Anyone who has a dog, in their life or in their hearts, understands…..

I sat with him quietly, in the green cool grass underneath the tree at the park that we discovered together not that long ago.

My thigh was under his paw, he looked away from me. He was mad at me, “you left me”.

I sat there in silence, drinking in his energy, petting his soft black coat that was now peppered with too much gray.

“I didn’t leave you.” I soul voiced back, “I’ve always been with you”.

There is an unconditional love that flows from our pups. It’s accompanied with a language only your two souls can hear.

I read once that unconditional love is the highest vibration on the planet. It’s who we are when we pull back all the layers, it’s devoid of judgment and fear.

I feel that when I’m with him.

When our eyes connect, our souls speak. It’s through the contact of our eyes and the language of the body that communicate more than words ever could. Sadly, I have learned that words can be so empty from human to human, but from human to pup, the language is clear: it’s all about love.

“I fell in love with you the day your dad introduced us. Do you remember? Do you want to know a secret? I think I loved you more 🤐

From the time you were one year old, I fed you, walked you, ran with you. I sat with you and loved you when you were sick, and you sat with me and loved me when I was sick.

We had a bond, “you are part of my sould tribe,” I said, “I’ve known that from the day I met you”.

His eyes drank me in showing me the window to his soul. He agreed.

Lately, my sweet pup, I have enjoyed our conversations from my couch to your doggy bed.

“Do you hear me? Do you feel me? Do you know how much Mama loves you?”

I know you’ve heard me, because here we are, sitting on the cool grass, exchanging glances. We both manifested this moment.

You look away, but your eyes peek over to me, trying not to let me know how much you love me.

You look away again, but then slowly put your head on my thigh. I knew you couldn’t hold out for long. That leg – head connection is ours. It’s where our eyes meet, our hearts connect, and where the truest, purest form of conversation between our souls takes place.

The feel of you so close to me fills my heart to the point of burgeoning. Your eyes blink up at me, my heart melts. I begin to daydream back to the early days when we began our partnership.

We became running partners because you got kicked out of doggie daycare. For the weeks leading up to your withdrawal, I would pick you up only to find the “red ribbon of shame” on your collar. The ribbon declared that your behavior had been “less than desirable” that day. I worried that my dog was the “bully on the playground”.

In hindsight, I think you planned it knowing that eventually I would pull you out and keep you to myself.

I went to court with you when you bit that dog, knowing in my heart you really wanted to bite the dog’s owner. I knew it was going to happen at some point, because, every time we walked to the park and you saw him in the distance, your hair would go up. I think mine would go up too! We didn’t like the human; we both felt his negative energy.

But it was you who summoned up the courage to act on it. I’ll never forget our day in court, crying before the judge when she asked me, “Ms. Tormey, do you want to know what the owner of the other dog said?” “No,” I responded quickly, I began crying uncontrollably.
“I am just so sad my dog hurt another dog.” And, in my head I thought “because it was the human we wanted”.

We were a force to be reckoned with in the “old days”.

We spoke a language only our two souls could hear. Our eyes would meet and instantly we would know what the other was thinking. When you were tired and had enough you would collapse by my feet, put your nose on my lap and release a deep sigh….then I would lay down next to you, snuggle up to your soft nose and release another sigh. We just got each other.

I’ll never forget teaching your father that if you did something bad and he called you over and hit you, well, “I’m pretty sure he’s gonna stop coming over when you call him”. We trained him well, his behavior changed :)

Then there was the day you told me your running days were over. We were running Wonderland Lake and as we got down to Broadway, you sat down, you wouldn’t get up. Your eyes told me all I needed to know. Your dad came and grabbed you; when I returned home, your eyes told me more, “it’s time, mom, my hips are getting old and running no longer feels good.” So, you became the shop dog at my work. You did yoga with Sami, snuggled up to members on the gym floor, pressed your nose into their armpits and let them know you felt their pain.

Oh Barkley, sometimes I arrive to my new home and I think I hear you getting up from your bed to greet me.

But alas, just the past reverberating in my ear.

Sometimes life forces a new path for humans, but the love that WE share doesn’t change. We tuck it into our hearts where it remains infinitely. Love is energy, my boy, it never dies.

I had to slowly start withdrawing from your life, training your father to walk and care for you. I knew my exit was imminent, I knew the pain of my departure would be difficult. My return, unlikely.

Our love energy now keeps us connected- no matter how far you are. Your mom is right here, sitting beside you, reaching out her energetic arms, placing her energetic hands around your beautiful, energetic nose, kissing you softly and whispering in your ear, “Barkley, Mama loves you”.